Senseless Musings
by Kowaba
Summary: Random fluff featuring Natsu and a few other characters. No real plot or anything. Not meant to be a real story.
1. Chapter 1

**Senseless Musings**

 _ **A/N:**_ **Just a bunch of nonsense I thought of on the fly while working on other stuff. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **The Loan Officer**_

"I really need a boyfriend…" Erza Scarlet groaned as he scrolled through another meaningless post about cats and food. It was a slow hour at the bank and barely anyone rolled in through the glass double doors. So, like all people who were tired and stuck in a rut, she just went online to kill some time.

Her last relationship didn't end so well since the man went on a self-help cruise and came back a completely different man that was almost insufferable. It also didn't help that her mom and sister chased away any man she brought home.

Fortunately for Erza, the winds of change were upon her as the formerly quiet doors swung open and an aspiring pink-haired businessman strutted in.

"Good day people I'm about to ask for money from!" The flamboyant boy greeted the workers with a tone that was far too happy for someone that should probably have put on a more serious face to make up for his pink hair.

Erza exhaled loudly and rolled her neck to release the pent-up tension. She could already tell that this idea was utter nonsense and he hasn't even stepped into her office.

The pink-haired man went up to the counter, exchanged a few words with the teller, and was promptly pointed in her direction.

Clicking out of her current browser tab, Erza sat up in her chair to look official even though she was going to tell him 'no'. She just had to hear him out, give an answer, watch him leave, and then go back to thinking about buying a fifth cat.

The pink-haired man walked through the threshold of her open door and was now standing in front of her, arm extended for a handshake, and a rather handsome smile on his face.

"Natsu Dragneel, future millionaire, nice to meet you." The man now identified as Natsu introduced himself to her, earning a blush from the loan officer who was now taking in just how cute he was.

"E-Erza Scarlet." Erza blushed, gazing at his young and innocent face. It was the face of a man only a few years younger than her and Erza found it quite adorable, almost as adorable as her cats. "P-Please, have a seat and tell me what it is that you have to offer us today."

Natsu did as told and put his briefcase on his lap. "I plan to open up a toddler's wrestling arena!"

"Okay, let me stop you right there." Erza raised her hand up and gave him a disappointed look. Oh he was so cute, it was a shame that he was kind of stupid. "My answer is no." She told him.

"But you didn't let me explain the idea!" Natsu defended himself. "Let me at least tell you the whole structure and financial plan!"

Erza groaned, running a hand through her crimson locks. She looked down at her desk and saw the framed pictures of her sister, mom, and cats. Not a single male was on her desk. Suddenly, the faint sound of her biological clock ticking became a blaring alarm in her head.

"A-Alright f-fine! I will hear you out!" She said in an urgent manner. "But on one condition."

"What? What must I do?" Natsu asked.

"D-Do you like Italian food?" Erza asked.

* * *

 _ **Cake**_

"M-Mira! I beg of you! Have mercy!" Natsu screamed as he was chased through the guild by a very angry (and very goth) Mirajane Strauss. "I didn't know that cake was for Elfman!" He tried in earnest to defend his case.

Unfortunately for him, Mirajane was not going to have any of it. "You damn well knew it was for him! It said his name on the fucking front of it!" She roared, reaching out to grab his loose scarf that was lagging behind him.

Natsu still continued to try and run despite the fact he was pretty much fucked by this point. Mira had him in a tight hold and was now breathing down his scrawny neck. The poor pink-haired boy looked around at the audience before him, but none were brave enough to help him.

Gray was busy laughing at him, Lisanna was back at her house, Elfman was glaring at him in righteous fury, Cana was looking for her top, and Erza was upstairs. He had no backup.

He felt a hand on his head grip his scalp and force him to look back at her. "So…" Mira grit her teeth as he pushed him back into a nearby table until he was forced to lay on top of it. "You snuck into my home late at night, ate the cake I baked specially for my brother's birthday, and then act like you didn't do anything wrong?" Mira asked.

"Y-Yes!" Natsu squeaked like a small rodent. "I'm so sorry!"

Mira stood up on the table with both feet planted firmly next to his head so Natsu was forced to look up at the apex of her tight, leather jean clad thighs. "Sorry won't cut it Natsu! You need to be taught a lesson!" The white-haired beauty said with a sadistic grin on her face.

Natsu watched in tremoring fright as Mira lowered herself into a squat above his face, planting his face firmly in her ass. Many of the guild members' eyes popped out of their sockets in shock of just what was occurring before them. Never had they ever witness something like this! Mira was sitting on Natsu's face in broad daylight!

"Well Natsu, you said you like cake! So, eat up!" Mira laughed menacingly as she dry humped his face. She could feel his hot, wet mouth rub against her crotch and a heavy blush dusted her cheeks. "You gotta really work for this _cake_ Natsu! You ain't gonna get through leather with a weak tongue like yours!"

"MMMPH!" Natsu's muffled screams rang through the great hall and his whole body flailed, trying to get Mira off his face.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Well… that last part just happened… but I won't lie, I'm kinda glad I did it. That would be pretty fucking awesome if it did happen. Or maybe I like it cause I'm just a lowly degenerate? Eh, it doesn't matter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Senseless Musings 2**

 _ **A/N:**_ **A little buffer once again.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **Not-Master Natsu**_

"Natsu Dragneel, step forward." Makarov announced in front of the guild. All the members stood up with a smile on their face as they knew what was about to transpire. Master Makarov told them what he planned to do today but had them keep it a secret.

The young man in question stood up with a confused look on his face. "Uhh… what?" He asked as he did as he was told. He stood up and walked over to the short old man.

Makarov was unbelievably proud but he could not cry just yet. "Natsu Dragneel, it is with great pleasure that I announce today that you will be the next member to join the Wizard Saints!" Makarov revealed.

But before Natsu could say another word or the crowd could go wild in celebration, Makarov continued. "However, you will not be granted the rank of S-Class Mage." He said.

Natsu's heart stopped. He was going to achieve one of the greatest titles in Fiore, but he wasn't going to get the one he really wanted all along? Bullshit!

"What?!" Natsu nearly yelled in rage. "How can you do this? This is outrageous! It's unfair!" He began to shout. "How can you be on the council and not be an S-Class Mage?!"

Makarov grimaced. He knew this wouldn't turn out well. "Take a seat, Natsu." He said with a firm voice, threatening punishment if he was not obeyed.

Natsu was going to fight it but he knew better. Plus, Erza would have his ass if he continued to act out in front of everyone. "Forgive me, Gramps." He apologized with a hollow tone.

" _Master Dragneel, there are too many of them! What are we going to do?_ "

* * *

 ** _Handlebars_**

"Yep." Natsu sighed contently, taking a sip from his glass.

"Yep." Gray sighed as well, copying Natsu and taking a sip of his beer.

The two stood there for a few minutes just taking in the silence and calmness of the setting. There were just standing in front of the guild and drinking. It was one of the few times they could stand within fifteen feet of each other and not fight.

"Eh." Natsu looked down into his glass and saw that it was nearing empty. So, in a total Natsu-fashion, he raised his glass and shook it. "Refill!" He shouted.

Gray looked at Natsu and shook his head. "You know this ain't right, right?"

Natsu just smirked. The doors of the guild opened and out walked someone that normally would never associate herself with humans or guilds. It was someone that caused the Strauss family a lot of grief but thanks to Natsu, she was under control and had a collar around her neck.

"You called, Master?" Sayla asked.

Yes, the dreaded horned demon of Tartaros was now Natsu's faithful servant.

Natsu smiled at her and cupped her cheek. "Thanks, Sayla, you're a sweetheart." Natsu told her and offered her his glass for her to fill.

Sayla tittered as she poured him some more whiskey. "Is there anything else I can do for you Master?" She asked with a smile.

"I don't know Sayla, have you been good today?" He asked her.

The pale demon smiled slyly. "Maybe… I only got into two arguments with Mira and I didn't try to make Erza kiss that old man's ass." She answered.

Natsu smirked and leaned in close to her ear. Gray tried not to be nosey and look but he just couldn't help himself. He was too curious. However, he instantly regretted it when he saw Natsu's tongue slip out and lick her ear.

"Then I want you on my bed in twenty minutes, ready for me." Natsu growled as he reached down and copped a feel of her bombastic ass.

Gray almost gagged.

With a spank, Natsu sent her off. "Alright babe, see you at home." He told her.

Sayla just giggled like a bimbo and waved at him as she left.

Once she was clear out of view, Gray turned to Natsu and shook his head in a condescending manner. "C'mon man, that just ain't right." Gray clicked his tongue.

Natsu looked at him sideways. "What? What the hell do you mean?" The pink-haired man asked.

Gray gestured in the direction that Sayla had just left in. "That! That weird sub/dom relationship you have with that demon!"

"What the hell is wrong with it, you popsicle dick?! She's my servant!" Natsu defended himself.

Shaking his head, Gray sighed heavily and let his shoulders slump. "Fuck… whatever man! You don't get it because you are on the inside looking out. You have to be on the outside looking in to get it." Gray tried to explain.

"Inside of where?" Natsu asked. "Inside the guild? Why do I need to be in there to show you that what me and Sayla have is special?"

Gray just rolled his eyes. "Oh, its special alright…" He said under his breath. "But I see how you benefit from it, you get free drinks and shit, but what does Sayla get out of it?" The Ice-Make Mage asked.

Natsu took a sip of his whiskey. "Obviously she gets to live with me in my kickass cabin! And she gets to bring me refills when I ask, massages when I ask, and most importantly, she gets to have sex with me!" Natsu blurted out the positives to Sayla being in a relationship with him.

Gray nearly gagged when he heard Natsu mention the last item on the list. "Okay, that's disgusting!" He barked.

The pink-haired Dragon Slayer shrugged. "Eh, I don't care. But those horns really do come in handy!" Natsu said.

"I know I am going to regret asking this… but how?" Gray decided to entertain the idea of Natsu saying something interesting.

Natsu smirked as he held his hands down by his waist and mimicked thrusting. "Cause I can hold onto them while I stick my-"

"Alright, I'm outta here!" Gray threw away his glass and walked away.

"Wait, Gray! I didn't get to tell you about how I stick my cock down her throat!" Natsu shouted out, causing many people to look at him, but he didn't care.

* * *

 _ **Cake 2**_

"Mira-nee, you've had too much to drink." Lisanna said politely, trying to take the drink away from her very drunk (and still very goth) sister who could barely stay standing on her feet.

Erza, who was on the other side of Mira, agreed with Lisanna. "Yes, Mira, listen to your sister. You're way too drunk." The knight told the demon.

The white-haired demon swayed around but still held onto her mug. "O-Oh shut the fu-fuck up metal c-cunt, I-I k-know when e-enough is… is enuff…" Mira slurred, swinging her glass around and spilling her beer.

Lisanna put her hands on her sister's shoulders and tried her best to keep her steady. "At least take a seat, Mira-nee! You're not balanced!" The little woman pleaded with her older sister.

Mira mumbled some incoherent nonsense before shaking her head, or at least tried to shake her head without falling over. "O-Okay f-fine. I-I'll sit down! B-But I'm picking… I'm picking the seat!" Mira shouted out. "NASTUUUU! COME GET YOUR CAKE!" Mira hollered out, making Erza and Lisanna wince.

The guild laughed and made other noises in a mocking fashion as Natsu stood up from his table and walked over to Mira. He had his scarf wrapped tightly around his neck to hide the fact that Mira had him wearing a pet collar.

"Yes Mira…" Natsu complied and sat down on his knees behind Mira.

Mira bit her lip and giggled perversely as she sat her round bottom right down on his face. "G-Good boy…" Mira patted him on the back of his head and wiggled her ass, making him rub his face around in the cleft between her leather-clad cheeks. "Y-You de-deserve a treat~"

Erza looked at Lisanna and sighed. "Should we stop her?" Erza asked. It was getting on her nerves having to watch Mira use and abuse Natsu like he was her personal property.

Lisanna surprisingly shook her head. "No, I don't think so. At least she sat down?" Lisanna shrugged.

"MMMrghh!" Natsu's muffled voice was heard from beneath Mira's ass, making the white-haired goth giggle and shove his face further into her behind.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Well has anyone else seen the teasers for Hiro Mashima's next manga? Yeah… it's already looking like this won't be very good. But at least we know one thing is for sure, Gray and Natsu apparently get together and produce the new protagonist! Heh, if you guys wanna read a real, new up and coming manga then read Gal Gohan. It's amazing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Senseless Musings 3**

 _ **A/N:**_ **I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I've totally dropped off the seasonal anime train. I'm so tired of trying to keep up with anime that I'm just gonna chillax for a while and go back and re-watch Bleach.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **Anal**_

"So I tried anal with Erza last night." Natsu admitted to Gray, seemingly out of the blue.

Gray gave Natsu a puzzled expression. They were just sitting there, eating silently and he decides to open up about his latest sexual experience with the redhead. "Alright… how was it?" It was weird to talk about it, but he was still interested.

"Pretty tight. Was kinda uncomfortable at first but I got used to it." Natsu told him.

"Did she enjoy it?" Gray asked to which Natsu nodded.

"Of course." Natsu said before switching to a more quiet tone of voice. "Maybe a little too much."

Gray nodded back. "Cool. Cool." The Ice-Make user said. "Wanna go get more food?" He asked, beginning to get up to walk over to the bar counter. It was a slow day so there was no one to take their order for them so everyone had to go to Mira to order.

"Yeah, gimme a sec." Natsu said as he slowly began to get out of the booth. With a pained expression, he made it to his feet. "Ow." He said as he rubbed his sore bottom.

It was then that Gray realized why Natsu was in pain. "Oh…"

* * *

 _ **Performance**_

"W-Wow…" Hisui panted and fell to her side. She was just so out of breath! "How… How was I?" She looked to her side and met eyes with her pink-haired companion.

Natsu smiled nonchalantly and put his arms underneath his head to rest. "Pretty good." Was his simple answer.

Hisui was prepared to take that as a great answer, it was her first time after all, but there was someone else who had a very different opinion.

Arcadios stood up from his chair in the corner and raised his sword. "Natsu Dragneel you fool! Princess Hisui was most excellent in her performance! You shall pay for undermining her body and her experience!" The large man shouted.

With a startled cry, Natsu fell out of the bed and took the sheets with him, effectively taking away any cover Hisui had over her body. "Ah! What the hell are you doing in here!?" Natsu cried out.

"Not so fast Arcadios!" Erza proclaimed as she crawled out from under the bed, revelaing that she too was in the room with the couple that thought they were alone. "How dare you threaten my student! It should be Hisui that praises Natsu for demonstrating the techniques that I taught him!"

"Erza?! You're here too?!" Natsu asked.

Before Arcadious could strike or Erza could deflect it, another person stepped out from their hiding spot in the closet. "Not so fast Titania!" Minerva laughed menacingly as she too joined the fray. "I have been waiting for the perfect moment to reveal myself and finally prove my dominance!"

It was now Hisui's turn to speak. "How many of you were watching us?!" The green-haired princess shrieked.

* * *

 _ **Dirty Talk**_

Lisanna and Natsu fell back onto their bed with defeated sighs. It had been a long day, but it was finally over! They could now take time to unwind and relax.

"Natsu…" Lisanna looked to her beloved husband with a needy look. "Talk dirty to me, I need a release!" The short-haired beauty asked of her husband.

The man himself gave her an uneasy look. "But the kids are home! They could walk in at any moment!"

"I don't care!" Lisanna shook her head defiantly. "Give it to me! Tell me what you're going to do to me!"

He smirked. There was no way he could possibly say no to her. "Alright, you asked for it." Natsu said as he rolled to his side to look at her. "I'm gonna rub your feet and then go wash my hands so I can make the kids' lunches for tomorrow."

Lisanna opened her mouth and moaned deeply. "Oh! Give me more! Tell me something dirty!"

"I took the garbage out like you asked me to…" The pink-haired man said with a low voice, speaking with his diaphragm.

Sweat rolled down her temples and she licked her lips. "More! Talk about me!"

Natsu began to rub her arm gently. "Susan at work is a total bitch. You were in the right the entire time. She had no write to use your printer."

"Ah!" Lisanna squealed. "I'm close! I'm so fucking close! Finish me off!"

Natsu leaned in close to her ear and grinned widely. "You're the beautiful mother of my children and you were the expert house hunter that landed us a two-story Dutch colonial house in a high-ranking school zone." He told her. "You dirty slut."

That finished her off. She couldn't speak and could only babble out nonsense for a good two minutes.

* * *

 _ **I Choose You!**_

Yukino and Natsu have been dating for a while now, but they still have yet to become intimate with one another. However, on this fateful day, it changes. Yukino has something she wants to reveal to Natsu and prays that he still accepts her.

"This way, Natsu-sama…" Yukino says in a gentle voice that made her seem so fragile that just one touch would shatter her into a million pieces. "I have something to show you."

Natsu followed her down her hallway which led to her bedroom, once inside, she sits him down on the table. "Are you okay, Yukino?" He asked.

Yukino didn't answer her question and instead walked to her closet. "Natsu-sama, I have something to reveal to you… please don't judge me." She pleaded as she opened her closet.

"I could never judge you, Yukino." Natsu told her. "So, what is it?"

The light blue-haired beauty brought forth three costumes, one was a Charmander costume, one was a Squirtle costume, and the last was a Bulbasaur costume. "I have this weird fetish for dressing up as Pokemon… will you please dress up as one?" She asked politely.

When most would putoff by Yukino's weird fetish, Natsu did not care and would indulge in her pleasure. "Of course, Yukino. For you, I would do anything." Natsu told her as he reached for the Charmander costume. "This one will do." He said.

Just then, Sting jumps out from the bathroom and shouts: "In that case, I choose Squirtle!" He yells.

* * *

 _ **Best Friends**_

"Alright…" Gajeel said as he placed his hands on Natsu's shoulders. "We're gonna play a game."

Natsu nodded. "Okay."

"On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it, just say the name." Gajeel instructed.

"Okay." Natsu agreed.

Gajeel stuck up three fingers. "1,2,3.."

"Velociraptor!" Gajeel and Natsu both said at the same time. The two looked at each other in amazement as they both shared a common interest.

"Alright, my turn!" Natsu spoke up. "Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to."

"Good House Keeping!" The two said in exact mimicry once more.

Now things were getting a little weird.

Natsu nodded one last time. "Alright, if you were a chick, who was the one guy you would sleep with?"

"Laxus." Natsu and Gajeel blurted out together for the last time.

"What?!" Gajeel stomped the floor.

Natsu couldn't hide his amazement either. "Did we just become best friends?" He asked.

"Yup!" Gajeel shouted and they both high fived.

"You wanna go do karate in the garage?" Natsu asked.

Gajeel grunted in excitement. "Yup!"

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Alright, be honest, who all was hoping for another addition to** _ **Cake**_ **? I know I was lol, but I'm trying to keep it fresh. If it makes you feel better, I can promise that** _ **Cake**_ **will return next chapter.**


	4. New Story Trial

**Natsu x Ultear**

 _ **A/N:**_ **This is like a trial introduction chapter. I'm posting it on here so that if you guys want it, I'll make it a story. I hope you guys enjoy.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its characters.**

 **Warnings: OOC**

 **"** I don't know about this... **" - Regular Speech**

 **'** _I need to get back!_ **' - Regular Thought**

 **"Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora!" - Attack**

 **"** _ **The Northern Fortress, Monday 2:36 p.m.**_ **" - Place Setting**

* * *

 _An unreachable goal is something that exists in every man's life. It is never an easy thing to achieve, that is why it is considered unreachable. However, throughout history, men have exceeded their own expectations and grew beyond what they were born to be. Those men grasped their goal and shattered the limitations that they previously set on themselves._

 _Those few men learned that there is no goal that they cannot reach._

* * *

 _ **Natsu's Room**_

A NEET is something that Natsu never considered himself to be. He had a job, it just wasn't a very good one. The young man was paid little to nothing for only a few hours of work. His dad understood why Natsu put up with it, but that didn't stop him from commenting on it from time to time.

Autumn started not too long ago and so Natsu tried going to the university. However, the pink-haired young man learned that he and higher learning did not mix well and dropped out.

Many of his friends advised against it but that did not deter him. He was of the thought that if he did not want to do something, then he shouldn't have to make himself do it.

Dropping out of university and not bothering to get a better job gave Natsu a lot of free time, or as his father called it, "dead time." Both his father and his friends suspected that the boy would quickly go insane after not having anything to do.

They were wrong.

On the first week of his newly established freedom, Natsu found perhaps the most important person in his life: Ultear Milkovich.

He didn't know this woman personally, he only knew her from her gaming streams on WITCH. She first pulled him into her snare with her awe-inspiring beauty and smooth voice. Her taste in video games wasn't half bad either.

Natsu was friends with many women he would deem beautiful, but they never excited him like Ultear did. Ultear was far different.

The way she'd smile whenever she turned on her camera, the way she thanked her new subs, and even the way she curled up in her chair while immersing herself in the game, all of these things made Natsu gush.

He was utterly smitten with a woman he didn't know.

It didn't take too long before he started spending what little money he had to buy her merch. Anything to support her, Natsu would do.

His friends knew of his infatuation with her and some even accused him of obsession.

But Natsu knew they didn't understand. Ultear knew about him. She even trusted him.

From the very first moment Ultear smiled at the camera and thanked him for his donation, Natsu knew that this was the beginning of something big. It wasn't long after that he managed to get invited to her Disorder server ( **A/N: see what I did there?** ). He'd throw in a few things and one time, he even managed to get a laughing emoji from her and asked if he wanted to be a moderator.

Natsu's chest burned with the satisfaction that he made his crush not only giggle, but also ask him to be one of the chosen few in charge of her server.

"She noticed me…" Natsu smiled at his computer screen.

The young man smiled brilliantly and leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms. As he did so, he felt his stomach rumble and he looked at the clock. It was definitely lunch time.

Tapping his hands on the desk, Natsu stood up. "Might as well head out to get something, ain't nothing here that'll sate my hunger!" Natsu laughed as he pat his belly.

Had it been a year ago, Natsu's hands would have come into contact with his hard abs, but since his school days were now over and he didn't have to stay in shape for a sport, he was now just a regular civilian with a flat stomach.

* * *

 _ **Mirajane's Café**_

The bell above the door rang as Natsu entered the usual spot for his circle to hang out in, only this time he did not expect to meet anyone he knew there. For once, he wanted a nice spot to just sit down and relax in.

Picking a spot in the corner, Natsu sat down and waited for the waitress to arrive and take his order. While he did that, he took out his phone and decided to watch one of Ultear's earlier streams from a few months ago.

No Gray to argue with, no Lucy to bother with random questions, no Wendy to watch his language around, and no Erza to have to obey.

It was just him and his phone.

He completely immersed himself in the experience by plugging one earbud into his left ear and leaving the other out just in case someone tried to interact with him.

"Good afternoon Natsu, you're here early." Mirajane Strauss smiled brightly as she approached him. She had her notepad in hand, but she never seemed to use it, well, at least not with him anyways.

Natsu looked up from his phone and removed his earbud so that he could pay attention to Mira. "Oh, hey Mira." Natsu replied, lacking the same amount of enthusiasm as the snow-haired beauty.

The woman whom the restaurant was named after curiously looked over his shoulder to see what he was previously looking at. For a brief moment, she frowned but did well to hide it from him.

"Watching another video of her?" Mira asked, dropping the overzealous attitude, but not because of his less than stellar reply but because of his seemingly endless infatuation with the streamer.

Natsu smiled at Mira when she seemed to take interest in what he was watching, even if it wasn't positive. "Yeah! This is the one where she beats the final boss in Black Souls in under three minutes."

Crossing her arms, Mira nods. "You really do pay a lot of attention to her, don't you?" The waitress asked in an almost rhetorical manner.

"Yeah, she's amazing." Natsu smiled, looking back down at his phone and glancing at her face cam.

Mira bit her lip. She knew that she should have been nicer, but she thought that this might be the most opportune time to try and talk some sense into him. His other friends were quite mean to him about this specific topic so maybe without them here to antagonize him, he might listen to her.

"But Natsu," Mira began anxiously. "You don't even know her."

Natsu didn't respond to that comment and instead changed the subject. "So, how's business today?" He asked in a quiet tone.

Mira wanted to give a big sigh but instead chose to sit down across from him. She wasn't going to pressure him into the conversation, so she might as well try and be there for him.

It was tough for Mira to watch Natsu as he was. First, he dropped out of university, then he got a shit job, and now he was obsessed with a girl who probably didn't even know he existed. The last part was probably what hurt her the most.

"Business is good right now. In fact, since more and more people are starting to come by, we could use some extra help." Mira smiled as she reached onto the table and grabbed his hands. "Why don't you come work with me- I mean, with us." The beauty stuttered and blushed.

Natsu looked Mira in the eyes and smiled sadly, but Mira preferred to take the pros of the gesture. "I wish I could Mira, but that old man needs me. If I'm not around, no one is gonna take care of old man Makarov."

Mira gently ran her thumbs over the back of Natsu's hands. "Alright, but if you ever need a job, you can always come here." She told him.

"I know." Natsu nodded.

Smiling, albeit sadly, Mira perked up a little. "So, do you know what you want to eat?"

Natsu just smirked. "The usual of course." He told her which caused her to giggle.

"Oh, how could I forget? You're the only customer who could eat something that big. Not many people can handle a sub with layers of ham, turkey, and chicken all packed into it." Mira laughed and stood up. "I'll have it right out to you."

"Thank you." Natsu smiled, making Mira blush.

When Mira tried to turn around, she couldn't find the power to and was stopped in place in front of him. Maybe now was the time to ask him the question she had been stewing over for a few weeks.

"N-Natsu." Mira squeaked out, her face exploding into a brilliant red blush. "D-D you want to maybe go see a movie or something tomorrow night?" She asked.

Natsu was a bit taken back by that. Mirajane Strauss wanted to go see a movie with him? Natsu wasn't exactly opposed to it, but…

"Tomorrow's Friday…" Natsu said, cupping his chin. "Ultear normally does her four-hour streams on Friday nights…"

"Can't you just watch the stream later? It's archived isn't it?" Mirajane asked, not liking where this conversation was headed.

Once again, Mira's plans would get derailed by some woman who Natsu didn't even know. It infuriated her to no end, but she wasn't about to show it. She would never show her true self to anyone.

Natsu slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, I could…" He couldn't find another valid excuse to say no to Mira. Had it been any other day except Friday, Natsu would have had a greater chance of saying yes.

Fortunately for him, he wouldn't have to think of another way to say no.

"F-Forget it. I-It was stupid idea anyway." Mira said with a voice that was just one pitch away from cracking. "I-I'll have your food right out to you." The beautiful waitress said with a trembling lip.

Natsu didn't seem to notice and instead relaxed himself in his seat. "Thanks for understanding Mira, you're the best."

Mira didn't have the strength to respond and just turned heel and booked it for the kitchen.

She could handle rejection. Natsu saying no to her date wasn't what hurt her. Well, it did hurt, but what really dug the knife into her heart was the fact that Natsu seemingly only had eyes for Ultear, an internet celebrity that Mira knew would never return Natsu's feelings.

Mira tried to calm herself down and tell herself that Natsu was just going through a phase. He was just going through a rough time at the moment and Ultear just happened to pique his interest. It would pass sooner or later, and he would decide to spend time with women who would return his affection.

Sooner or later, he would need her, and Mira would accept him back with open arms.

* * *

 _ **Natsu's Room**_

Now that he has returned from a successful mission of replenishing his stomach, Natsu relaxed back into his comfy desk chair and booted up his pc. He didn't know what he was going to do until his next shift at work later that night, but he had a good feeling it would be fun.

"Maybe I could prank Gray into thinking I was in the hospital…" Natsu cupped his chin in thought. It wouldn't be the most original prank he has came up with, but it would kill some time.

However, any and all plans at pranking were cast aside when he received a notification from the object of his affection.

 **Ultear is Live on Witch!**

Natsu's hand instinctively grasped the mouse and clicked on it, eager to see what the beautiful woman was doing with an impromptu stream.

Soon his screen displayed a full window of the smoking hot streamer in all of her divine glory. Her red eyes were directed at the camera and her smile was devious.

" _Hello my little followers!"_ Ultear clasped her hands together. " _I wanted to tell you guys in person that due to some unforeseen complications at MagnaCon, a few streamers that were scheduled to appear cannot make it_." She began.

Natsu's fingers gripped onto the mouse even tighter. He knew MagnaCon took place in his home city, Magnolia, but he did not know what Ultear was about to say.

" _So that means that since they had a few open slots, they asked me if I wanted to go. Of course, I just had to agree! So, if you have tickets to go to MagnaCon this weekened, I'll see you guys there_!"

Ultear blew a kiss to the camera before shutting it off.

Natsu's head hit the back of his chair as he looked at his monitor in absolute awe. Ultear Milkovich was coming to his town? He could meet the love of his life?

Looking at the screen once more, Natsu made a decision.

"I have to get tickets to MagnaCon." He told himself.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **So, what did you guys think? Was this a good tryout chapter? Would you want to see more? Let me know! This idea came to me, but I didn't want to post it in its own story because I didn't know how you guys would react. If you guys want me to continue this story, just tell me. If enough of you say so, I'll do it. And be sure to tell me what you guys think I should change if I do make it a full-blown story. All you guys have to do is tell me in a review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Senseless Musings 4**

 _ **A/N:**_ **I feel like Monster Musume is an underappreciated masterpiece.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **Freaky Friday I**_

"I… I did it!" Erza looked at her shaking hands and began to feel her body. Erza was tremendously overjoyed. Only… it was not really Erza. It may have been the beautiful visage of the deadly knight but the soul and mind were that of Irene Belserion.

Underneath the enchanted Irene laid her own body with her daughter inside of it. Of course, Irene had disposed of the faint life that was encased in the already dead corpse.

Irene felt nothing but pure, unabashed joy.

She finally succeeded in not only transferring her soul into her daughter, but she tied up the loose end that was Erza.

Now nothing could stop her.

Irene heard rustling from behind her and she immediately went into attack mode. When craning her head to look over her shoulder, she winced. It would appear her daughter took more damage than she let on for the body Irene was in was in a near critical condition.

"E-Erza?" Wendy asked meekly as she limped forward. "Did… Did we do it?"

Irene bit her lip. Wendy looked to be in better shape than she was. Originally, Irene planned to take out Fairy Tail in one fell swoop. However, now that she was actually in Erza's body, she knew she did not possess the strength needed to do so.

"Yes…" Irene muttered as she climbed off of her old body and stood up. "We did it Wendy. We stopped my mother."

Now Irene would simply have to lie and wait. If she could abuse their trust, she could take them out one by one.

Wendy smiled at her idol and tried not to cry. "A-Alright… Now we can rejoin the others and help them out."

"Yes. Let's." Irene smiled wickedly as Wendy turned around.

Irene just needed to act normally, and everything would fall into place.

* * *

 _ **Finding that Pen**_

"Hmm?" Lucy hummed as she picked up her notebook and looked under it. What she was looking for was not there so she put her notebook back down and continued to scour her workplace in search of it.

Mira looked over from her place at the bar and noticed that the blonde woman was looking for something. "Did you lose something, Lucy?" The bar wench asked politely.

Lucy nodded. "Yeah, my favorite pen. I seemed to have misplaced it but I can't find it." She explained.

Putting a finger to her chin and letting a cheerful smile appear on her face, Mira had just the solution. "Why don't you try asking Natsu and Happy to help find it. They used to have a detective agency you know."

"Really?" Lucy asked with wide eyes. "I had no idea. I'll go ask them!" With that, Lucy stood up and looked around to find the two. It was not hard considering that the rambunctious duo were slacking off in the corner of the guild doing Mavis knows what.

With a spring in her step, Lucy bounced over to them. "Natsu~ Happy~ I have a new job for you guys~" The blonde tittered.

Natsu rose an eyebrow in question. "What is it?"

Lucy smiled and opened her mouth. "I need help from the best detectives I know. My pen-"

Natsu and Happy both held up a hand to silence her. "Let us stop you right there, Luigi." Happy said.

Before Lucy could question them, Natsu continued. "We gave up detective work when the case of the missing paint brush turned into a triple homicide." Natsu explained.

"Oh my Mavis…" Lucy uttered in shock.

* * *

 _ **Island of Temptation Interlude (With Kript's permission)**_

"Did you finish?" Meredy asked her brother over the phone while her free hand was used to sensually massage her breast.

" _Of course. Your hot voice alone is enough to get me off_." Natsu replied. " _God, I came everywhere_."

Meredy giggled perversely and licked her lips. "Did you? Aw, I wish I was there to lick up every last drop of you cum."

She heard her brother exhale deeply over the phone. " _Ugh, fuck. You're gonna make me hard again if you talk like that, Meredy._ " He said.

Meredy giggled even more, but a cough from someone behind her caused her to wrap up this phone call a little early. "Shoot, sorry Natsu but I have to let you go. Bye!" She told her brother before hanging up the phone.

With that, Meredy put her phone into her pocket and turned back around to find most of the board members waiting on her, all of the members having deep blushes on their faces and trickles of blood running down their nose.

"Ahem." One older men grunted, adjusting the collar of his shirt. "Can we get back to the meeting?"

* * *

 _ **Everyone Calm Down!**_

"Alright, alright! Is everyone here?" Natsu asked as he stood on a table in the guild in front of an assembled audience.

The audience consisted of Lucy, Erza, Mira, Lisanna, Cana, Yukino, Minerva, Brandish, Meredy and a peach.

The women all looked around at each other and made various assumptions.

Natsu clasped his hands together. "Now, you all might be wondering why I have gathered you girls here today."

Cana rose her hand. "Does it have something to do with the band aid on your lip."

Natsu just looked at her with a blank expression. "I'm getting to this." He said as he put his hand on the bandage. "But the reason why you girls are here is because I have slept with each and every one of you." He revealed.

There were a few gasps in the female audience, but Minerva stood up holding the peach. "So why's the peach here?"

"That is to symbolize Ultear. I slept with her too before the… you know." Natsu responded before going silent for a moment, honoring the biggest booty he ever got to spank.

Then Lisanna stood up. "So wait, you gathered us here just to brag about sleeping with us?" She asked.

Natsu shook his head. "No! I'm just trying to-"

Erza cut him off as she stood up. "Choose which one of us you're going to marry?"

Yukino clasped her hands together in excitement. "Like the Bachelor?!" She asked with stars in her eyes.

"Oh you bitches are so going down!" Mira yelled as she jumped up. "I'm total wife material!"

Natsu paled, this was not going as he wanted.

"I don't even remember sleeping you with…" Brandish commented under her breath but listened to him nonetheless.

Meredy nodded. "Yeah, me neither."

"Oh it definitely happened." Natsu smirked before getting back to the topic at hand. "But anyways, the reason why I brought you guys here is because of a very important matter."

"Just get to the point!" Cana yelled at him with various other girls agreeing with her.

Sighing, Natsu let his shoulders slump. "Okay. It has come to my attention this morning that while I was washing my body, I came across some weird things that shouldn't be where they were." He revealed, causing some girls to gasp.

Lucy paled. "Like what?"

Natsu scratched the back of his head. "Like weird red bumps. When I asked Polyrusica about them, she told me that there was a possibility I have something called an 'STD'." Natsu used his hands for the air quotations around the acronym.

"Are you saying…" Lucy let her mouth drop in surprise.

"Oh my Mavis…" Mira gasped.

"Son of a bitch…" Minerva and Cana both cursed.

All the girls were in shock. Even the peach was speechless. But finally, one woman broke the silence.

"Natsu Dragneel, I swear to Mavis if you gave me syphilis…" Erza growled, requipping a battle-axe into her hands.

"I'm gonna cut your dick off!" Meredy screamed.

Even Lisanna was angry at him. "You bastard! I should eat you with my tiger transformation!"

"I'm gonna skin you alive!" Mira growled.

"Ladies! Ladies please! Relax!" Natsu began to back away before ripping the band aid away. "It's just herpes!" He shouted.

"Get him!"

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **I know a few of you are probably wondering why I didn't update a real story, but I just had to get these ideas out. Don't worry, I have not forgotten a single story on my profile, that includes White Satin, How Dare You!, The Perfect Specimen, and A Dance Among Tigers.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Senseless Musings 4**

 _ **A/N:**_ **I seriously have nothing to say.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **Back at it Again**_

"Alright, alright! Everyone settle down!" The director called out to the group of people before him. The assembled group were all busy talking amongst themselves, ignoring the director entirely.

"Come on folks, let's just get this first scene done! I know you guys are tired of this, and trust me so am I, but we're getting paid to do this." The director sighed.

A loud, obnoxious voice broke through the group. "Like, are we gonna go sometime soon?" The actress who played Lucy asked, chewing on bubblegum and looking at her phone. "Like, I totally have somewhere to be."

The director let his shoulders slump. "Please miss, try to get back into character." The director pleaded.

"Oi! What's a fella gotta do to get a decent beer, eh? This is piss warm!" The brazen voice of the English actor who played Laxus.

"G'day mate." Oh no, the Australian actor who played Gray bumped into Laxus. "Why don't you just settle down like a good little dingo. Aye?" ( _ **A/N:**_ **Kript I apologize for this poor Australian Gray** )

Laxus' actor puffed out his chest and stared down his nose at the black-haired man. "Oi! Did ya say sometin' you little half pint?"

The director leaned back in his chair and began to pray, hoping the two natural enemies get into a fight on set. "Can someone tell me where our Erza is?" He asked.

The actress who played Lucy spoke up again. "Like, the redhead just went out to… um… you know…" The blonde began to blink before looking at her phone.

"Ugh… blondes…" The director sighed. "I guess she's taking a smoke break. Oh well, we can do without her for this scene. Now, where's our Natsu and Mirajane?"

The director looked over to the bar that was right in front of the green screen and saw the two gazing into each other's eyes.

"Ah~ Mon trésor! You look so handsome today!" Ah yes, Mirajane was played by a French actress.

Natsu, or his Italian actor to be more specific, fondly ran his hand down her cheek. "La mia bella cara, let us run away together!"

The director now wanted to bang his head against the wall. The first day back to filming since the renewal of Season 3 of Fairy Tail and Laxus and Gray's actors were fighting, Lucy's actress was being an idiot, Erza's actress was nowhere to be found, and finally the star of the show was trying to runaway with the fan favorite girl.

"Oof, this is gonna be a rough season." He wilted in his chair.

* * *

 _ **Mary, James, and Joseph!**_

Lucy groaned out loud as she banged on the door to Natsu's home. It was noon and he had promised to meet her at her house nearly two hours ago. Just what was with him?

 _KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_

"Natsu! Come on! We gotta go!" Lucy slapped her hand against the wooden door repeatedly. "Open the door already!"

Finally, after a few seconds, Lucy heard the faint shuffling of footsteps before the door began to creak open.

And Lucy was in absolute shock.

Standing in the door way, dressed in the skimpiest Catholic schoolgirl outfit of all time, was Mirajane Strauss. She was the Demon of Fairy Tail, the beloved number one girl of Sorcerer's Weekly, the kind barmaid, and now she was also a slutty student?

"Can I help you, tee-hee?" Mirajane let out a high-pitched giggle.

Lucy almost tripped over herself. "Umm, is Natsu home?" Lucy croaked out, craning her neck to look past Mirajane and peer inside.

"One sec." Mirajane smiled before turning around. "Father Natsu!" The white-haired beauty shouted.

Then Natsu revealed himself, coming out of the kitchen dressed only in clergy sweater and no pants, holding two wine glasses.

"Yes, my child?" Father Natsu asked, making Lucy almost feint.

* * *

 _ **Freaky Friday II**_

Irene, in Erza's body, soon rejoined with the other mages of FT in the base camp. From what she has gathered, Acnologia was finally taken out by the one called Natsu Dragneel, the brother of her former emperor.

Irene was aware of Zeref's demise but now with him and Acnologia gone, she considered herself to be the strongest mage in Fiore at the moment. All she had to do was wait until her wounds were healed and then her diabolical plan could begin…

"Erza…" Natsu tapped Irene on the shoulder, breaking the older woman from her thoughts. "Is everything alright?" He asked.

Irene nodded her head. "Y-Yes, everything is fine. Perfect actually." She answered, making the man smile.

"Good, I was worried about you, Erza. But I'm glad you're okay." Natsu stated with a blush.

"Yes, I am fine. Now should we join the others?" Irene asked, not sure why the man before her was blushing and slowly inching beside her. She was weary, but she could not afford to break character.

"In a minute, but first…" Natsu trailed off before moving his hand down to her shapely behind. He felt Erza tense beneath his touch but that did not stop him from greedily clutching a handful of her luscious ass. "Can we do a quickie? I'm kinda pent up."

Irene blinked. "…eh?" Just what kind of relationship did her daughter have with this young man.

Since she didn't answer him, his hand moved further into the cleft between her cheeks and probe her backdoor. "Come on, real quick. I could barely fight with this erection! I'll be done in like one hour!"

"O-One hour?" Irene went pale. Apparently, her daughter was involved with this young man in an affair that involved lengthy anal sessions.

Fortunately, Irene was saved by the appearance of another woman.

"There you two are!" Mirajane smiled as she found the two people she was looking for.

Irene recognized the woman as the one she shot. How had she not died? Irene was sure she aimed straight for the heart.

"H-Hello." Irene waved awkwardly, still feeling Natsu's thick fingers rummaging around in her backside.

"Sup Mira, I was just about to fuck Erza in the ass. Wanna join in?" Natsu asked, making Irene nearly fall to the ground in a comical manner.

Mirajane smiled. "Boy, do I! I was actually going to ask you two for a quick fuck once I found you. It turns out my Seilah take over is a futa!" Mirajane revealed with an eager grin.

"Awesome!" Natsu's eyes sparkled. "Let's both fuck her in the ass!"

"Sweet Jesus…" Irene nearly fainted.

* * *

 _ **Cake 3**_

Lucy walked over to Mirajane at the bar. The blonde was sweating profusely as she had a burning question on her mind.

"Good morning Lucy, how can I help you?" Mirajane smiled sweetly. It has been a few years since we last saw our beautiful white-haired beauty, and a lot has changed.

Lucy scratched the back of her neck. "Is it true about what they say?" She asked.

Mirajane cocked her head to the side at the vague question. "I beg your pardon? What are you talking about?" She asked.

Lucy coughed before leaning over the counter to whisper. "Is it true that you… that you _own_ Natsu?" Lucy asked.

"Oh." Mirajane giggled. "You're talking about that. Well yeah, I guess you could say I do. Did you want to rent him?"

Lucy was taken back by that statement. "Rent?" She asked.

Mirajane nodded. "Yeah, I rent him out sometimes to help pay the bills. It's not easy providing for a grown man like Elfman and my little pet. But speaking of rent…" Mirajane looked down to the far side of the bar.

At the end of the bar, Lucy and Mira saw a very blissful Cana gripping the edge of the bar with a heavy blush on her face. She was biting her lip harshly to try and not let her moans flow out of her mouth.

"Time's up Cana, Lucy wants to rent him now." Mirajane said.

"F-Five m-more m-minutes…" Cana groaned.

Mirajane clicked her tongue. "You know the rules Cana, if you want more, I'll have to charge you for another hour. And judging by your bar tab, I don't think you can afford another hour." The white-haired beauty commented.

Reluctantly, Cana scootched back and let Natsu rise up from between her legs, his mouth drenched in her juices. Now that he was done, Natsu went off to do whatever he could in the limited free time he had before Mirajane pimped him out again.

"You rent him by the hour?" Lucy turned to Mirajane.

"Yup!" She nodded. "500 jewels an hour but I offer a special, 5,000 for a night. You can use him however you want but you have to use protection if you want to have actual sex with him. Can't let my prime bull get the sows pregnant!" Mirajane laughed.

The blonde woman was in awe. "I had no idea this kind of stuff happened in Fairy Tail." She said.

Mirajane nodded before looking past Lucy. "Oh dear, here she comes."

"What?" Lucy turned around.

Approaching the bar, a very frazzled Erza coughed and scratched at her arms. "H-Hey M-Mira… I-I need to rent Natsu f-for an h-hour." The redhead stuttered over her words, barely able to stand on her own two legs.

"Sorry Erza." Mirajane shook her head. "I can't let you rent him on credit anymore, it's not good for business. It's bad enough I let you get so addicted that you're suffering from N.D.W."

"N.D.W.?" Lucy asked.

"Natsu Dick Withdrawal. It's pretty bad, three girls in the past month had it and barely got over it." Mirajane stated.

Lucy blushed. "Natsu's that good?" She asked.

Mirajane smiled with a glint in her eye. "Well, I dare say he's the best. After all, I trained him myself! He's the best pussy eater in the country!"

Without missing a beat, Lucy reached into her pocket and fished out this month's rent. "Here's 1,500 jewels."

Mirajane took it and passed Lucy a leash and a box of condoms. "Please put him on a leash if you want to take him back to your house and be sure not to feed him, I only feed him after you leave a review."

With that, Lucy nodded and went off to find Natsu as quick as she could.

"Business is booming…" Mirajane smiled.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter. I wanted to put out a little something to get the creative juices pumping. Is it just me or was Mira a big part in this chapter? Guess I just love her a bit too much. Anyways, I got big news! There's a new poll open on my profile so go vote! I want to make something new so please go vote and get the creative juices flowing even more!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Senseless Musings 6**

 _ **A/N:**_ **A lot has happened on the internet recently.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **By Popular Demand**_

"As I was saying Erza, I still hear the voice when I sleep at night…" Jellal Fernades told his close friend as they sat in the guild. "The voices of the innocent people I harmed still haunt me."

Erza cupped her chin in thought, trying to understand what Jellal was going through. "I don't think I can quite understand how you feel Jellal… but I want to. I want to help you better yourself. And I'm sure other people are willing to help, especially after how much you helped with Acnologia." The redhead smiled.

Unbeknownst to the two friends who were chatting away with each other in the middle of the guild, a shadow was approaching them from behind.

"Du~nun… du~nun~… dununununun~." Natsu began to sing the _Jaws_ theme as he snuck up behind Jellal with a very familiar crown in his hands, ready to strike and deliver the ultimate prank.

Hearing the humming, Jellal looked at Erza with a curious look on his face. "Do you hear something?" He asked.

Erza tilted her head to the side curiously. "No?" She answered before a familiar head of pink hair rose above Jellal. She tried to warn her friend, but it was too late.

Natsu struck.

" **Fire Dragon Secret Art: Rule 63 Clickbait**!" Natsu unleashed his devastating new attack on the unsuspecting Jellal. Quickly, Natsu placed the Super Crown on Jellal's head.

 _POOF!_

"Kyaa!" The newly transformed blue-haired mage squealed.

Many people turned their heads to look at the owner of the squeal and blushes clouded their cheeks.

Lisanna was the first to say something, having watched Natsu the whole time and wondering what he was up to. "Oh Mavis, she's so pretty!" The pig tailed girl stated.

Many whistles came from the guild members and a few jaws were even dropped.

"What happened to me?!" Fem!Jellal asked, looking at her now smaller hands. "What did you do?" She turned to Natsu and questioned him.

Natsu wiped the stream of blood flowing from his nose and nodded his head. "The world a favor. You're actually pretty fucking hot." Natsu said.

Erza seemed to agree with a nod and a blush of her own. "I-Indeed." The knight nodded.

Jellal, or as she will now be called, Jean, was quite the bombshell. Like all the women of Earthland, Jean was insanely sexy with a rocking body. Her long, flowing deep blue hair even made Levy and Juvia envious.

Grabbing her new, gargantuan breasts, Jean squeezed them. "I have boobs!"

"No, she has boobs." Cana jabbed her thumb in Levy's direction. "You have tits. Those things should be classified as weapons of mass destruction. I wouldn't be surprised if you beat Lucy in a wet t-shirt contest."

"Cana!" Levy and Lucy shouted the name of the woman who basically dissed them.

Jean's lips began to tremble and her eyes watered, threatening to spill tears. "I… I'm now a woman for the rest of my life…?" She asked.

"Actually, you can just take the crown off…" Natsu coughed into his hand.

"Oh… well if that's the case…" Jean began to reach for the crown atop her luscious blue locks. "I'll just change back to normal."

"No! Don't!" The entirety of Fairy Tail shouted at the woman to stop her from ruining the best thing to ever happen to them.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Yes, that's right. I did it. I fell in love with Bowsette and Queen Boo, so I just had to do it. But fun fact, I originally thought of a female Jellal a few months ago and shared it with a few authors I have had the pleasure to become friends with. They all seemed to like it then, and they definitely love it now since Bowsette.**

 **Speaking of Jean, this does not count as part of the poll. And speaking of poll, go vote on the poll! I wanna close it soon so I wanna make sure people vote. It's a tight race and there can be an easy upset by anyone. So go check it out.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Senseless Musings 8**

 _ **A/N:**_ **Apologies to those who were expecting a spooky one shot. I just lost the heart halfway through writing it. Maybe I will release it sometime before the end of the year but who knows? I hope you guys understand.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **Halloween**_

"Wow, that's a great costume Natsu!" Romeo enthused, looking over Natsu's blue and red costume. "Who are you supposed to be?" The small teen asked.

Natsu smirked and flexed his arms inside of the costume. "I'm Spiderman of course! I found this costume last minute but I love it!" The pink-haired young man laughed, spinning around and trying to shoot webs from his wrists.

Wendy bounced over to the two men and gestured to a group of some of the older gals. "Natsu! You and Erza got couples costumes? You two are so cute!" Wendy smiled.

"Yeah, she kinda dragged me into it…" Natsu scratched the back of his neck, chuckling softly and remembering the whole ordeal.

Erza called out to Natsu to come join her for the other girls' amusement. "Natsu- I mean, Peter! Come here and join me!" Erza, dressed as Mary Jane Watson, commanded. It wasn't hard for Erza to mirror the appearance of a model when she was already so gorgeous.

Natsu joined the redhead and flexed for some of the other girls in his costume. "You girls looking for a superhero with moderately cool powers?" Natsu smirked, still posing.

Lucy, Lisanna, Levy, and Cana smiled at Natsu's goofiness. It was so cute and refreshing sometimes.

Erza leaned back against him and also posed. "We are a shoe in for the couples costume winners." Erza gleamed, the prospect of competition burning in her eyes.

However, Erza's hopes of winning the prize were crushed by the arrival of a new participant.

"Oh Spidey~ Why don't you ditch Miss Mary Plain and come pair up with me?" Mirajane, or as she was dressed up as, Black Cat or Felicia Hardy.

Many of the males' jaws dropped when they looked at the eldest Strauss with her curves packed into a sinfully tight leather suit. The zipper couldn't even close over her cleavage for Mavis' sake.

"Holy…" Natsu began to utter out before magically gravitating over to the sexy Black Cat.

Mirajane giggled and laid a hand on his chest. "What do you say, Spidey, wanna pet my kitty?" The white-haired beauty asked.

Drool flowed freely from Natsu's mouth. "Y-Yeah…"

Erza's glare would have pierced Mirajane's skull had it not been for the fact that Mirajane did not give a single fuck and was purring like a kitten from how much attention she was getting.

* * *

 _ **Like Two Peas in a Pod**_

Natsu slung an arm over Cana's shoulders and brought her in closer to his body. "I love you so much, Cana." Natsu smiled, smelling the strawberry scent of her shampoo in her hair. The two lovebirds were sitting at the bar with Lucy and Mirajane, though the other two women might not have even existed in the couple's eyes.

Cana nipped at his chin with her teeth playfully. "And I love you, ya big dork."

Watching the two, Lucy could not believe her eyes. "Wow, to be completely honest with you guys, I did not expect you two to end up in a relationship…" Lucy spoke truthfully.

"Me neither." Mirajane smiled, wiping a glass clean.

Cana chuckled. "Well to be honest, I didn't think much about Natsu until we found out we had so much in common…" The brunette said, still snuggling into Natsu's embrace.

"Like what?" Mirajane and Lucy asked simultaneously.

Looking at each other, Natsu and Cana smiled before glancing back to the two women.

"Well…" Cana started. "He likes blowjobs…" The brunette trailed off before giggling.

"And she likes giving blowjobs." Natsu finished before he started giggling.

Lucy backed away from the bar. "Alright, that's too much information..." She said before walking away.

But Mirajane on the other hand…

"Tell me more." She smiled.

* * *

 _ **Best Girl**_

"You absolute idiot!" Gray swatted at Natsu. "Camilla is obviously best girl!"

Natsu pushed back. "Really Gray? Is she? Because everyone knows that Felicia is obviously best girl! She's too magnificent!"

Gajeel slapped his hands down on the table. "You dumbasses are both wrong! Hinoka is best girl!"

"Ugh! You guys are obviously blind!" Gray grumbled.

"Looks don't define a girl's worth Gray, it is personality!" Natsu nodded sagely.

Gray threw his hands up in the air. "But Felicia has about as much personality as a door stop! Even Mozu has more personality than her!"

"Hinoka has the best personality why also being gorgeous! Therefore, she is best girl!"

Laxus walked over to the table and loomed over the three men threateningly. "Shut up! No one cares for your stupid bickering!" The blonde hollered. "Besides, everyone and their brothers know that Charlotte is best girl!" Laxus roared.

Gajeel, Gray, and Natsu looked back at Laxus and tilted their heads.

"What?" Laxus asked with a small blush. "I have a 3DS too… I play Fire Emblem…"

* * *

 _ **Bad Princess**_

Natsu scratched the back of his neck, looking at all of the party guests around him. "Man this place is packed… I didn't even know this many people helped out in the fight…" He grumbled.

A small tap on his shoulder grabbed his attention and he looked to the owner of the fingers, Princess Hisui. "Ah, Princess! What's up?" He asked.

The emerald-haired beauty giggled at his nonchalant manner. "Nothing much Mister Dragneel, how are you this evening. Doing well, I hope?" Hisui asked.

Natsu shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, I've been better. Kinda bored to be honest."

Hisui did not remove her hand from his shoulder and instead rubbed it sensually. "Well, if that is the case, I would ask that you let me properly thank you for all of your hard work…" Hisui licked her lips and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Of course, this just went over Natsu's head completely. "What do you got, to dance? I gotta be honest, I suck at dancing." Natsu stated.

"Well, in that case, you're not the only one here that is used to _sucking_." Hisui purred.

"You suck at dancing too, huh?" Natsu asked. "That must blow, being a princess who can't dance."

Hisui did not give up. "Oh, I'm quite good at _blowing_ things, if you know what I mean." The princess told him, trying to be a bit more up front.

Natsu gave her an odd look. "Man, you talk weird." He said before walking over to the punch bowl.

Hisui followed suit and continued to chase him. "How about we go somewhere more quite and _take a load off_." She suggested.

"Nah, I'm good." Natsu declined.

Despite the denial and rejection, Hisui was not willing to give up. "How about I show you some of my special skills…" She reached for his hand and took it up to her mouth and sucked on his middle finger.

Natsu recoiled from the action and wiped his hand on his vest. "Dear Lord, you're a freak." He said.

"Only in bed." Hisui smiled.

Gesturing to their surroundings, Natsu stepped away. "Yeah… we're at a ball… it's not bedtime yet." He said.

"Ugh." Hisui rubbed her temples as he left. How could someone so hot be so dull and dense?

A hand on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts: it was Erza Scarlet.

"I wouldn't get too hung up on it, Natsu is as dense as they come." The redhead said. "Just ask these ladies…" Erza pointed over to a group of women consisting of Lucy, Lisanna, Mira, Yukino, Millianna, and Cana.

"You would not believe what he thought when I asked him to piledrive my pussy…" Cana huffed.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Lol, anime protagonists be like… haha. This was pretty fun to write to be honest. I just wish there were more stories being updated. I haven't actually read a FT story since Kript's last update. One of my favorite authors dropped off the face of the planet so that sucks… oh well. I hope she is doing well. I really liked her stories.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Senseless Musings 9**

 _ **A/N:**_ **Now I want you guys to know, I'm fighting tooth and nail to get some progress with** **The Legend of Juvia** **, alright? Like you guys understand, because only the real Kowaba fans read this story. Just know it is coming, along with the next chapters of EB, ADAT, and even a special OVA chapter for NGU.**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.**

 _ **Warnings:**_ **OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.**

"What's poppin' guys?" **– Regular Speech**

' _I can do this!'_ **– Regular Thought**

" **WRYYYY!" – Attack**

" _ **Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m.**_ **" – Setting**

* * *

 _ **In Her Hair**_

"Kagura!" Millianna called out as she ran towards her purple-haired friend. "Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!" The Neko woman told Kagura.

Kagura, who looked a little worse for wear, smiled at her friend's caring nature. "I apologize Millianna, I just ran into a friend."

Millianna gave Kagura a scrutinizing glare. "Oh really? Who was it?" The brunette asked.

"Natsu Dragneel." Kagura responded curtly.

"And what did you do together?" Millanna persisted in asking the taller woman questions.

Kagura held up Archenemy. "Sword practice. He said he wanted to spar with me and learn how to improve his defense against a swordsman. I suspect he means to challenge Erza again." The purple-haired woman explained.

Millianna began to circle the swordswoman. "Really?" She asked.

"Really." Kagura nodded.

Putting a hand on Kagura's shoulder, Millianna stopped behind the woman. "Funny… because when you walked in here, I smelled something familiar in the air…" Millianna trailed off.

Kagura froze. Her skin went pale and she began to sweat despite the room growing cold. "A-And… *cough* and?" Kagura stuttered but did her best to recover.

"And I smelled the familiar scent of cum and sweat!" Millanna stated, grabbing a hold of Kagura's purple locks. "You even have some of it in your hair!"

Kagura knew it, the jig was up. "I-I'm sorry! Okay? I am sorry! He made me feel like a woman!" The swordswoman tried to explain, but Millianna just gave her a disappointed look.

"Get out." Millanna stated.

* * *

 _ **I Want You**_

"We'd be perfect together." Natsu said, sitting down next to Minerva Orland who looked like she had no interest in listening to the man.

"Is that so?" She asked offhandedly, looking at some people passing by.

Natsu tried to put his hand on her thigh but it was moved. "Yeah, I'd worship the ground you walk on, I'd take you anywhere you want to go, and I'd even fight for you." He explained.

Minerva sighed. "Sounds dreamy." Was her bland answer.

"I'd learn to cook for you." Natsu offered.

"I am already a proficient cook, why would I need you?" The beauty asked.

Natsu didn't look deterred. "I'd eat you out for hours."

Minerva raised an eyebrow but was still not convinced. "I already have people for that and one of them is Yukino."

Leaning back, Natsu chuckled. "I didn't want to have to use my trump card so early but…" Natsu leaned over closer to her. "I have an 11-inch penis."

Minerva then turned into his direction and looked interested. "Natsu Dragneel, at first you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention." She told him.

* * *

 _ **Second Origin**_

"Now… any questions?" Ultear Milkovich asked, preparing to unlock the Second Origins of the mages before her.

Lucy, Gray, and Erza all shook their head, ready to take the excruciating pain head on, but Natsu raised his hand and surprised the others.

The big booty Arc of Time user cocked her head to the side. "Need me to explain it again?" Ultear guessed.

Natsu shook his head. "No, I got the part about the pain and unlocking the container and shit." Natsu assured her.

"Then what's your question?" Ultear asked.

"Can you sit on my face while you unlock my Second Origin?" Natsu asked.

The members of Fairy Tail all paled at Natsu's question and awaited the older woman to shriek and berate the Dragon Slayer.

But Ultear laughed!

"Good question! Of course I can sit on your face!" Ultear told him. "But do you want our clothes to be on or off?" She asked him in return.

"On. I want that sweet latex of yours to suffocate me." Natsu explained.

Ultear's grin grew wider. "Oh I like you… I like you a lot." Ultear said.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **I tried to give the other girls, that weren't in Fairy Tail, some screen time. I like a lot of them. Maybe next time I'll get around to Jenny and Yukino. Wish me luck!**


	10. Update

**Heh… it's been awhile, hasn't it? Approximately 87 days or more like 3 months. So yeah, it has been a while since I last spoke to you guys. I've been through a lot in recent months and I made it out of school and some other shit. With summer in full swing since April, I've been brain storming and thinking of ways to improve. I have a lot of new ideas and hopefully I will have the drive to follow through on them. Here is just a small list of things to look forward to:**

 **(Numbered in order of priority)**

 **1\. New Bisca AU one shot**

 **2\. The Legend of Juvia Finale**

 **3\. Special Mirajane one shot**

 **4\. Special Erza one shot**

 **5\. Chapter 2 of Super Shinigami Babes: Ultimate**

 **6\. Special Cana one shot**

 **7\. Chapter 3 of A Hero We Can All Depend On (idk why I made the title so long…)**

 **8\. Epilogue to Being Normal**

 **9\. A Dance Among Tigers**

 **As you can see, I have a lot of stuff to accomplish. I hope to roll the new Bisca one shot out by the end of next week, but we will see. Your continued support will matter greatly, and I hope you guys can stand to wait just a little bit longer. To keep you interested, I have managed to make this little gem for one of the greatest American holidays ever made: Milf's- er I mean, Mother's Day!**

* * *

 _ **Fairy Tail Guildhall**_

Lucy sat down on the barstool with a thud, nearly toppling over as she let all her bodyweight fall down into a resting position. To further depict her tired state, she let out a long, drawn out sigh.

"Huuuu…" She breathed out, placing her slender arms on the counter and leaning forward, resting on her torso that was cushioned by her large bust.

The blonde's exasperated state was blatantly obvious to the bar's only other occupant: the illustrious Bisca Mulan. Fairy Tail's resident emerald-haired bombshell and most well-known mom scooted over and placed a hand on the Celestial Spirit Mage's shoulder.

"Tough day, sweetie?" Bisca asked kindly.

Lucy picked her head up and gave the mom an annoyed look. Bisca knew that the teen was not annoyed with her, but rather how her day was going.

"You wouldn't even know the half of it." Lucy groaned out. Her reply would normally give one the idea that she was not open for a discussion of just why she was tired, but Bisca would not accept that. After all, her motherly intuition was telling her to help the young girl out.

Giving the young woman a soft, caring look, Bisca began to impart onto her some wisdom she learned over the years. "Lucy, some days it is easy to just give in to the harshness and want to just crawl up into a ball and hide, but that won't solve any problem. You see, what I have learned is that by being active and facing problems head on-"

Bisca's helpful advice was soon interrupted by a rather noisy pink-haired Dragon Slayer who strolled up to the pair of females and loudly announced what he wanted.

"Biscaaaa~" Natsu whined like a little boy, even pouting and throwing his balled fists down by his side. "I'm thirsty and I can't find Mira~"

"Aww, you poor thing, come to mama!" Bisca stopped in her speech and welcomed Natsu into her personal space with open arms. Without even blinking, Bisca pulled down the left cup of her scanty red bra-like top and let her soft, round breast bounce out into public. Before Lucy could even utter a syllable, Bisca pulled Natsu's head onto her soft globe and he naturally began to suckle on her teat.

"Now, where was I?" Bisca asked herself as if her public breastfeeding was completely normal. But as soon as she asked that question, she had her answer and snapped her fingers. "That's right! Now, as I found, it helps to be active and face your problems head on! You don't run from your problems because then they would never be solved, right?" She asked.

Lucy had no clue what Bisca was saying. The loud noise of Natsu's lips smacking against the greenette's soft nipple was ringing in her eyes, she was completely amazed and horrified that Bisca was acting like nothing was wrong, and she was stupefied that no one was paying any attention to the scene before her.

"Did that advice help you out, huh?" Bisca asked with her warm smile.

The blonde's lips opened and closed dozens of times before finally she managed to form some kind of coherent answer. "Y-Yes?" She answered before looking back at Natsu who was happily sucking away at the woman's boob, his mouth was starting to leak with the warm breast milk that Bisca so graciously provided.

Bisca followed Lucy's line of sight and realized something. "Oh yes, where are my manners?" Bisca asked herself as she used the hand that was rubbing the back of Natsu's head to free her other breast. "Would you like to suckle as well?" Bisca asked politely.

"…y-yeah?" Lucy answered.

* * *

 **Hopefully that will last you guys till next week. It was really nice to be able to post again and I hope I can continue to do so for the next few weeks. Hell, I might make some kind of social platform to talk to you guys about things, I don't know. I feel like that could open up a door to some asking for requests or something. Again, I don't know. Here's to the revival of my profile and a fortuitous few weeks! Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Oh don't look at me like that! You guys have known me for so long now, you ought to take everything I say with a grain of salt! I wanted to roll out those updates but life happened! They're still in the works, especially the** **Bisca one** **and the** **Being Normal** **epilogue. I'm just a busy guy! And sorry about the lack of Valentine's Day content, I hope to make up for that very soon, until then, enjoy this little update!**

* * *

 _ **Magnolia Farms!**_

Erza Scarlet sat confidently at her desk with her hands folded atop the calendar she placed right under her keyboard, the date keeping device was riddled with little notes and reminders. The calendar could very well be a representation of her desk which was ineptly organized save for her computer screen which looked as plain and dated as the carpet of her office.

"Today begins the journey of a little experiment of mine." The redhead started off, her voice a little jittery before she fell into a groove she was comfortable with. "I am the general manager of a reasonably sized poultry distribution headquarters, as you can see…" The woman pointed over at the sign hanging off her wall labeled " _Magnolia Farms_."

The camera then panned back to the voluptuous manager as she smiled a bit awkwardly. "Magnolia Farms started as a small family owned operation by our founder, the late, great Makarov Dreyar. I started working in this office when I was 19 because I- wait a minute, what the hell is going on out there?!"

Erza got out of her desk as quickly and angrily as she could, nearly sending the many trinkets on her desk tumbling to the floor. The cameras followed her to her door and through the blinds of her office, one could catch a glimpse of what was happening outside.

Utter chaos seemed to have taken over Magnolia Farms' Magnolia branch as the door swung open and Erza stomped out into the middle of all the ruckus. The camera zoomed in on a rather short pink-haired man standing atop his desk while his head was in the ceiling.

"Natsu!" Erza barked angrily. "What the hell are you doing! You're ruining our first episode of the documentary!"

A muffled voice answered her command. "I really wish I could Erza, but Gray said there was a squirrel up here, and I won't rest until I end that little bastard's miserable existence!" Natsu shouted loudly.

Erza turned her ire to the chuckling dark-haired man who sat smugly in his desk adjacent to Natsu's. Gray always had to antagonize Natsu, it seemed to be his way of finding entertainment in this drab office setting.

While Erza made to scold Gray for his instigation, a woman just short of Natsu's height slapped his calf as he continued to root around the ceiling.

"Ah! Lisanna!" Natsu's leg hiked up in a flinching manner. "I meant that I was going to end this little bastard's miserable existence in _here_!"

That seemed to please the short white-haired woman well enough for her to leave his leg alone and sit back to watch his stupidity unfold. Meanwhile Erza pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Alright, everyone in the conference room in 5 minutes!"

"But I just set up the conference room for Levy's surprise party!" A blue haired bombshell claimed as she rose from her seat at the receptionist's desk. The nameplate read " _Juvia Lockser_."

Fuming, Erza snapped at the receptionist. "Juvia! You weren't supposed to tell everyone that!"

Juvia crossed her arms. "But you had me send the invite to literally everyone!" The woman shot back.

"Yeah!" A petite woman who also had blue haired stood up from her desk all the way in the corner. "I was told to bring paper plates when it's literally my birthday party!"

Blushing slightly, Erza played with a strand of scarlet hair. "O-Oh…"

The camera caught a glimpse of Gray's face who just shook his head with an exasperated expression. This was an everyday thing for him.

* * *

 _ **Narration**_

"Hey Mira!" Levy smiled and waved to the bar maiden as she approached the near empty bar. This was the first time in a long time the bar had nearly no patrons save for the pink-haired Dragon Slayer. "I was wondering if y-"

"The bubbly young gal pranced over to the bar with a question on her mind. Levy was a girl used to answering riddles, but never did she expect to be on the giving end of one." Natsu suddenly commented as he flipped through a dictionary, which was even more bizarre than the statement he just uttered.

Levy turned her head sideways at the man with a questioning gaze. "What?" Levy asked.

"Another question!" Natsu shouted. "The world was on the young girls mind and seemingly no one had the answers. Just what was our petite bookworm looking for in this life. Validation? Success? Meaning? Only time would tell!"

Mirajane giggled as she sipped from a glass of water. "Natsu's been doing this all day. It's driven everyone away but I kinda dig it so I let it pass."

Natsu flipped another page in the dictionary. "Finally! An answer sprouted from the mouth of the bubbly bar wench! Her words as fluid as the water she sipped from her glass! Despite one riddle solved, Levy continued to look upon our humble story spinner with great confusion."

"Right…" Levy trailed off as she stepped away slowly, choosing to not take part in this. "I'm just gonna catch up with you later Mira…"

"It would seem the questions have concluded. Young Levy journeys off into the land of the unknown, to return to solve the final puzzle at a moment not yet passed! Once again, there were but two!" The narrator disguised as Natsu read aloud.

Mirajane smiled wholeheartedly as she ruffled his hair affectionately. "You're as cute as always Natsu." The white-haired model sang as she turned around.

"Words of endearment fall on grateful ears this day. Mirajane humbly returns to her grind amongst the alcohol she so efficiently sells." Natsu then turned another page. "Unbeknownst to our dear Shakespearean author, Mirajane looks to have her ass fucked by his magnificent co-"

 _Whack!_

"Like a feather, studious Natsu falls to the ground with fleeting grace as his vision slowly darkens!" The young man read before his head bounced off the floor and he was out cold.

Mirajane stood with her hand raised and an angry, blushing glare on her face told everyone what happened. Natsu's dumb luck finally ran out.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ **Man, its been too long since I've updated this story. It really is a shame because it is really fun to work on. Maybe I will have some more stuff out soon, until then, no one really knows!**


End file.
